Confidence. Our young gems struggle with it. Our older gems act like they don’t struggle with it. We, as ladies, often feel the need to act like we “have it all together”.
At a recent Gem meeting we did an activity we called “Floats and Conversations”. All our Gems put a question on a piece of paper and then into a bowl in the middle of the table all while sipping our root beer and coke floats. We asked them to write down questions that they may be embarrassed to ask someone out loud. We pulled out the questions one by one, and anyone that wanted to give input had the opportunity to. We got questions on bodies, boys, sex and everything in between! One of the questions that was asked was “Why do I have low self-esteem?” Of course this is not a question that can be answered in a concise way. Not one thing can ruin or build your self-esteem in a day. Young people, especially young ladies are being hit over the head from multiple angles with media that is bringing your self-esteem down. All the girls on Instagram, TV, Snapchat, Periscope (my new fav) are beautiful, attract multiple guys, funny, smart, successful, wonderful, magnificent, excellent cooks, and can even walk on water. Lies! Lies! Lies! I have nothing against the women that are on these social media outlets, but I just urge you to see past the facade. Here are a few things to remember.
1. No One Has it All Together in Every Area of Their Lives.
But we also need to remember that everyone is good at something. The people that seem like they have their whole life together have a team of stylist, makeup artist, business manager, etc. behind them to put them together. So yes-everyone has the same 24 hours in a day to utilize, but I bet the person that has a team of 7 is getting more done than I can in one day. Don’t be fooled. I only say that to say……
2. Comparison is the Thief of Joy.
Stop comparing your life to other people, especially people that you do not know! When you compare yourself, you are comparing their highlight reel (all the good stuff that they post about) to your behind the scenes (all the stuff that you are ashamed of). Now why are you comparing your bad day of fighting with your sister, to their day on the beach? Come on now!! I’m not going to show you my sink full of dirty dishes, my pile of laundry, my long to do list that I can barely scratch off etc. But if you look at what I post, you will never see any of that. You will see inspirational quotes, maybe a selfie (but I took about 20 to get that 1 good one) and maybe some hair posts. Please stop comparing yourself to other people. It’s natural to only put the best out to the public. All it does is tear you down slowly.
3. Being Mary Jane
Back to the situation at hand. A Gem asked why her self-esteem was so low. I gave a tip on how to raise it. We need to counteract the negative with the positive. I shared that I personally have post it notes of positive affirmations and quotes on one of my walls. I have quotes such as “I do not let fear stop me”, “Gem-N-Me will be a success”, and “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. Since the show Being Mary Jane is on, the kids compared me to her having quotes on her walls. I hope to have walls like hers to put my post it’s on one day soon. I digress… I also say these quotes out loud. By saying them out loud I’m appealing to more senses. I need to counteract the negative of what I see and hear, with positive thoughts and sights. A vision board is another way to put positivity in front of you.
4. Speak Highly of Yourself
It’s very easy to call yourself stupid or say you are bad at something, say that you suck at something. Even if you are being sarcastic, your subconscious does not know you are not serious and being sarcastic. Every time you call yourself ugly, your brain can’t tell if you are being serious or sarcastic. It’s very important to speak highly of yourself. Instead of saying “I suck at remembering people’s names” say “I will get better at remembering names”. It’s acknowledging the problem, but it does not have the negativity in the comment. Speak highly of yourself! If you don’t, who will?
5. Train Others
Do you have people in your life that should treat you better? You train people how to treat you. By allowing someone to talk to you negatively, to forget about you, it really says that you do not value yourself. I know confidence is rooted in SELF-esteem, however, a lot of outside negativity can weigh you down. If you don’t like the way someone is treating you, fix it. Leave them alone.
6. What Does Confidence Look Like?
It can look differently for everyone, but here are a few similarities. A confident Gem sets goals and doesn’t doubt herself when she works to achieve them. A confident Gem does not put other people down, but instead lifts others up. A confident Gem sets personal boundaries for other people and values herself enough to not let people cross them. A confident Gem has an inner glow and does not let other people’s negativity bring them down.
What does confidence look like in you?
This month’s gemstone is moss agate. It Improves self-esteem, releases fear, deep-seated stress, promotes self-expression, communication; balances emotions, encourages trust and hope; and helps depression.
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